bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
