the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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