My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
