Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
