we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
