I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
