It's like a parade of train wrecks.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
