I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
