How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Quick, to the slutcave!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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