we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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