So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The air taste purple.
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