I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
