i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
