If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
