What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
