I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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