your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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