Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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