mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
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He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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