just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
