I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
