It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
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I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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