Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
