you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
This girl is more easily done than said...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
