i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize