I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Randomize
