I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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