he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
