last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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