dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize