dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
BRING THE BAGELS
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
