I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
