Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
