It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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