omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
