So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
