I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think weed is turning my hair brown
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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