Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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