I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
