i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We are two peas in an std pod
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm like, not good at living.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
