Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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