my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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