the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
