Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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