omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
