shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
