you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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