Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
