oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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