One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
