I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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