I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My vagina is very pro this idea
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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