i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I checked into jail on foursquare
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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