that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
