I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He has the fingertips of a God
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
