My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
