Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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