oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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