my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
