Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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