Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
