her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
