does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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