sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Found the puke drawer
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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