he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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