and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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