Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
